Not the cheeriest title but it kind of sums it up! When I was very young I was stung by a bee and went into anaphylactic shock. I sort of remember it but mostly I remember the worry for my mum.
I used to carry an EpiPen in case I was stung again, on the side it explained that you may have a ‘feeling of impending doom’ as you’re going into shock, for some reason its always stayed with me and now actually feels quite relevant.
I don’t know about you but since having my children I live with a constant worry that I might not always be around for them.
I worry about getting the Big C, I worry about getting in the car with or without the kids and having an accident and I worry about being killed in an act of Terrorism. So much so that I don’t like going to Airports and I pretty much refuse to go to London. I was even worried about going to a recent Concert in Cardiff, just in case!
These little thoughts creep into my mind on a daily basis and suddenly pop up out of nowhere, I read myself to sleep at night to stop the thoughts coming in before I go to bed. The concept of death has always terrified me ever since I was a child. I don’t know if this is the norm or how much it bothers others, but I know in the last few years it holds more gravitas since becoming a mother and I’m pretty sure that its an unspoken topic amongst us parents.
Outwardly you would never know that I have this niggling fear, I’m a confident woman, I’m certainly not anxious about much and live through every day with a smile on my face and usually a lot of laughter too. I love my little life, my little family and my extended family as well, although this has it’s issues for me as well as I even look at my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc and worry about them too, seriously!
I hope by writing this and opening up on something I’ve always kept to myself that a) I’m not the only loon that thinks like this and b) it helps others to talk about their own secret fears.
A Guest Blog from Ali Brinsford
Ali is the MumBoss behind Mini Morsels also mum to two small humans named George and Charlotte (and she’s not a Royalist!)