So here it is: my kids have super-powers. It is very likely yours do too. I have proof.
On my work days, when we need to leave the house at 8am they sleep in, have to be woken and dragged, whingeing to their cheerios and Fireman Sam. (I know some of you will be thinking this is nothing to complain about- believe me, I had years of poor sleepers to get to this point. Solidarity my sleep deprived sisters). But on a day off, when we could all lie in and enjoy a lazy morning, on those days they are up at 5.45. I ask you, how do they know in their sleep that this is the day to wake early if they are not psychic?
They can detect courgette even when reduced to homeopathic doses in a bolognese sauce: X-ray vision.
On a related note- they can hear the rustle of a biscuit packet from three streets away: bionic hearing.
There is a direct and inverse relationship between their energy levels and mine, the only possible explanation being that they can siphon adult energy stores while we sleep to make use of our reserves for their own needs.
Just think how powerful these powers held by children around the world could be. We could use them in peace treaty negotiations, to develop innovative new sources of green energy, and to carry out intricate surgical procedures requiring lightening fast movements and multiple hands. They could stop time to prevent major world disasters and find the Higgs Bosun with their bare eyes. Someone just needs to work out how to harness them. Until then I’ll be hiding in the kitchen sneaking secret biscuits and drinking cold coffee in my pyjamas. Happy holidays!
A Guest Blog from Sara Wood
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