No. Why it’s my most important word.

No. Why it’s my most important word.

I remember this time last year I was feeling pretty stressed.

A year into my big career change I was a rabbit in the head lights not wanting to turn down any opportunity or offer of work for fear of missing out. I was busy, but busy doing lots of things that were right for others but not for me and the result of that was that I became pretty unhappy, anxious and my relationships suffered. It was in March of 2017, just over a year ago, that I wrote about my meltdown and I remember it very clearly. I made a proper job of it!

Fast forward and are things better?

Well the one thing I can state with absolute certainty is that I love my new business, my new family setup and wouldn’t go back to the 9-5 (which had actually become 7.30 -3 with no lunch in order to meet the needs of the boys) lifestyle. One of the dangerous things about becoming your own boss is that I imagine it’s extremely difficult to go back to being employed.

On the biz front I suspect it takes a really long time for any self employed person to feel less like they are standing on a rug that can be pulled from under their feet at any time. I’m only ever as good as my last post or my last event. It would take just the slightest bit of drama or negativity to break the spell and mess everything up.

Relationships – so much better. I’m out once a week in the evening max and that’s improved my anxiety levels and meant I’m more on top of things at home. It sounds so pathetic saying that being out once a week is your upper limit but actually add that to a night out with my husband or my family and a couple of nights out doing jobs or kids activities and it’s more than enough. I’ve spoken to lots of women recently who say they get stressed if they don’t factor in chilled out time to just potter at home or have a hot bath.

With the business I now know that the MumBoss Club is the perfect solution to allow me to throw myself into helping women using this platform and the community it serves but carves out an income that makes all the work feel like it’s worthwhile. Plus the relationships I’ve built up in that group – they are some of the most meaningful I’ll ever have I’m sure.

But aside from two sunny weekends in a row what can I attribute these positive changes to? One simple word (and I should credit MumBoss Laura Duggal with helping me rediscover it) – NO. Two little letters, rolls off the tongue easily enough you’d think? Well actually it didn’t for me. I wasn’t saying no to things that I didn’t need to do and a whole year of grabbing every opportunity that came my way had worn me out and was damaging the things in my life that really do matter.

So if you’re also struggling to say that tiny word why not try it out just for the summer and see what difference it makes? You don’t have to become a dick but you also don’t need to get involved in every activity, project or team effort (be it at work, home or play) if it’s not in the interests of you or your family. You also don’t need to justify using the word. Sometimes it’s just no.

It’s working for me and things are better than they’ve been for ages. The magic formula I’m sure – 50% sun, 50% No.

Have a great week.




  1. May 14, 2018 / 6:52 am

    I think that’s how I feel right now – how you felt a year ago! Thanks for your support.

    • Kate Starkey
      May 14, 2018 / 1:42 pm

      Sorry to hear that Lesley – say No a few times and see how things improve! x

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