Originally from Cheltenham after 15 years away in London I chose to move back after my divorce I’ve now been back for 8 years, I then re married on my 40th. Both my husband and I have 2 birth daughters from previous relationships but really wanted to have a child together and because we had both been in unhappy relationships we wanted the chance to have a child and bring it up in a happy loving relationship.
We first looked into adoption about 5 years ago but because we didn’t have a spare room for the adopted child we were told we wouldn’t be considered so we went away disheartened but decided even though we didn’t like the intrusive clinical process of IVF we would give that a go, we tried this once and it failed but for us the whole process just seemed so impersonal.
By then we had looked into an extension so we went ahead with this giving us the spare room we needed to go ahead with our first choice of adoption. We went to an initial meeting in May 2012 and it just seemed right so we decided to go ahead and start the process.
At the time we were doing this there was very little information or articles available about couples going through the adoption process that already had their own birth children, the only book available to us on the course was an out of date children’s story book about a couple adopting and bringing the baby home to their toddler, which wasn’t really relevant to us as my teenage girls were 10 and 12 at the time.
We were always careful and made sure that we took into consideration the feelings of Daisy and Molly and who they would like as a new sibling, they both said that they would like a boy and that they didn’t want a baby, so we put down for a boy aged between 2 and 5.
Throughout the process I constantly wobbled and had worries about the effect adopting another child would have on the relationship between me and my birth children and the disruption it would cause to our family unit, but also still wanting to have a child with their stepfather and through adoption give another little one a chance of a forever family.
The process was a roller coaster of emotions and yes we did have days when we thought can we actually go through with this? But with support we got through it and were accepted at panel as prospective adopters!
We were then given the task of looking through children’s profiles to see if we thought there was a match, on the numerous courses we went on all of the other adopters told us that as soon as we saw our child we would know. They were right, we were given 4 profiles altogether and for some reason A’s just felt right , we opened it on the day before his birthday and he was 3 so that meant that we would be able to take him for his first day at school.
We then had to meet with A’s social worker to see if we were a match and then to prepare for matching panel.
This was a really nerve racking time as by then even though we hadn’t met A we had read so much about him and seen lots of photographs we were beginning to see him as part of the family. Also once matching has taken place the process of meeting him and settling him in starts 2 weeks after this, so the room had to be already decorated and ready!
The matching panel date came through and it was our wedding anniversary, thankfully we were accepted so tears and celebrations all round, one of the panellists asked us if there was anything we could feedback about the whole process, I said that it had been really difficult to find any books, websites, or advice on couples wanting to adopt with birth children and the positive and negative affects this can have on them, so he said to me “maybe you can write a book?” those words have stuck with me and hence the reason I decided to write my blog.
We get told all the time what an amazing thing we have done, but to us we believe that we have been given a little miracle every night we would look in at him while he was asleep as we went to bed and say how mad it was that we’d been given a little human! Almost immediately it was as if he’d always been here and been part of the family……. if I can share a bit of our happy bubble and maybe encourage another family to try it then that would be perfect.
Much love Laura
A Guest Blog from Laura Galley
This is Laura she’s a 45 year old wife, mum of 2 teenage girls Daisy and Molly, a 6 year old boy called A and Stanley the dog. By day she works term time at a pre-school and as a part time cleaner. In between ferrying teenagers and school pick up she spends her time reading, crocheting and writing her blog about the adoption 3 years ago of her now 6 year old son.