When my husband and I first got together he already had two children. I wanted children too but found myself in a situation where I had the opportunity to experience the everyday of having children without having them full time. The romantic notion of being pregnant myself and having a child of my own with the man I loved quickly evaporated when I was faced with the day-to-day realities. My husband wasn’t too supportive of having any more children and actively discouraged me from wanting one of my own. He might not realise this looking back but there has always been an undercurrent thread from him that children are hard work and he wants a quiet life.
I found myself adopting this train of thought too but looking back it was to have an easier life and put the thought of having children of my own behind me. To prevent friends and family constantly asking us when we were going to have a baby, I voiced to them early on that having children myself wasn’t for me, which was lucky as my husband felt the same. Translation: my husband doesn’t want any more and I will avoid the heartache if I believe that I don’t want them either. So that’s what I did.
Zipping forward 5 years and my original faux position of having children of my own has completely changed. Perhaps it’s my age – I’m now 32 – and perhaps my biological clock has kicked in or maybe its because I’m no longer afraid to voice my thoughts on them, who knows but what I do know is that I have completely softened towards having my own child i.e. I’m not siding with my husband on that point anymore and I kinda want one. Perhaps it’s because my younger sister had her first last year (and I’m smitten with my niece) or maybe it’s because friends have recently announced their own pregnancies and in truth, I feel left out. My biggest worry is will I regret not having a child later on in life when it’s too late? I think my honest answer to that is simply, yes.
Of course there is a slight complication to this and that is for a number of reasons, my husband and I cannot have children together the natural way. This has led me to think about adoption, which is something I have always wanted to do or perhaps surrogacy. Now and again, I’ve peppered conversations with my husband about adoption and although he has a few reservations he does seem supportive if I wish to go ahead. This is a huge relief. Whether he will be all that involved if I do adopt is another matter but I don’t think he realises what a great, hands on Dad he is to his two children and how much they adore him. Maybe it’s just that my workaholic husband can’t cope with the idea of interruptions to his day-to-day routine and at his age of 45, perhaps he feels he wants to be slowing to a quieter pace of life rather than the outburst of a newborn baby all over again. What I do know however is that relationships involve two people and both people need to be happy, heard and their needs supported, always.
So, that is where my position on children stands at this moment. There are a lot of decisions to be made and a lot of questions to find answers to as well. But, in the meantime, whilst I decipher the minefield of options available to us, I will enjoy my little niece and look forward to my friends little ones arriving and I will do this with the biggest smile.
A Guest Blog from Sarah Moorhouse
Sarah lives in the Cotswolds with her husband Tim, their two Chihuahuas – Pip and William and the infamous ginger tomcat, Austin. Otherwise known as Bratcat. Sarah is Stepmum to Sophie 13 and James 7.
Sarah was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) in 2015 and is about to launch her first business, Posey Bows, selling hair accessories online for girls.